Forewarning you, today is Thinking Out Loud and I’m doing just that.
Let’s cut to the chase…lately, my emotions have been all over the place. There have been tears, nerves, anticipation and more. I’m much better at expressing myself through writing than speaking, and lucky for me I have a blog to do just that. Hopefully lucky for you too…but that’s more subjective. I debated whether publishing this because I don’t think it’s the most cohesive post, but I think anyone my age will be able to relate.
So, emotions and feelings. I know that I’m female and that can sometimes be an excuse, however, I think this stage in life is more of a factor. The post-grad, early 20’s confusion. Crossing my fingers it’s just early 20’s but I’ve heard that extends…
I know you’re thinking “what could possibly be wrong, she’s in funemployment?” Sure, that’s all well and good, but it’s not forever. By that, I mean things are in the works for the future. It’s the (very) beginning of the job search and entrance into “real life” that’s causing this commotion of sorts. I’m not sad and I know very-well that these feelings aren’t abnormal, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Plus, I don’t think these things are vocalized as much as they are experienced, at least among people I know. I’ve read articles online but as a day-to-day discussion, it’s often buried. (<–I understand why, this is not small talk)
Because I graduated early I knew I had some leeway time and didn’t have to face life right away. I definitely did have those feelings last semester (hello, I had an ulcer) but I think it was a result of end-of-semester stress paired with a self-imposed pressure to hold up my reputation. Now shit’s getting real and the thoughts in my head range from “what the hell do I want to do?” and “why won’t someone hire me?” to “can I be a stay-at-home mom without any kids?”
No one knows what they are doing. Even if they “know” logistically, the emotions might be dragging behind. ALL normal. It’s funny because when I was in high school I know I would look at someone in my place now and think they had MAJOR problems. “She’s out of college, living at home without a job? What’s wrong with her?” That’s laughable now because I feel so far from being an adult.
As I’m just in the beginning of the notorious 20-something years I have no doubt there are more challenges ahead. Likely, there will be more posts like this too. What’s important, to me, at least, is expressing emotions mindfully (hello, writing!), and knowing when to ask for and accept guidance. I realize that these problems/feelings/thoughts are not that bad or serious, especially in the large scale of things, but it’s what I’m going through now.
Whatever challenges or emotions you are facing, have comfort in knowing you aren’t alone. Seriously, this is me saying I’m with you. I’ll find my way, you’ll find your way. It’s not a yellow-brick road to happiness or success, more like one of those obstacle courses when you fall in mud and have to run 10 miles while jumping over tires.
Sounds fun, right? It’s an adventure, to put it nicely, but I know I’ll feel good on the other side.