Depending when you read this I’m either studying, taking my last final exam or on my way home for break. Let the holidays finally begin!
Having a blog has turned out to be pretty useful. If I need to find out what I ate the week of July 15th, I can just scroll through my old posts and find out (most likely chicken and sweet potatoes). If I want to know what the weather was like 27 days ago (because I somehow always talk about it), I can click back 27 days. If I want to remember what I was thinking before the semester started? You guessed it, blog to the rescue.
While I may have a good memory, I tend to remember facts and not feelings. I remember what I wore on the first day of every year of school. I remember who I sat next to in class. I remember what I had for lunch. But I don’t remember how I felt. I don’t remember any anxiety or excitement. I don’t remember my fears at the time.
If I didn’t have this blog I might have generalized my thoughts pre-semester as “nervous, excited and dreading the work.” Yet I know my feelings were so much more complex. I have proof that they were.
I was dreading the transition back to college. Transitions of any kind are really hard for me, but I especially hated leaving my family and going back to Miami. I was very restless, anxious, lost and even embarrassed because I was a junior feeling all of this. In the beginning I kept myself busy with activities to try to distract from the pain and I constantly wanted to escape. Four months later, I’m so glad I didn’t.
As the semester progressed I fell into a routine and instead of fearing downtime, I welcomed it. I came to terms with the fact that Miami is where I go to school and it doesn’t mean I’m stuck here forever. I learned that I don’t have to be one of those people who says “college was the best 4 years of my life.” This is just a stepping stone for better things. With one year left (I graduate a semester early), I’m excited for my future. I have things I want to accomplish during my time left in Miami that don’t involve receiving a diploma, although that is at the top of my list. I’m not expecting the last year to be easy by any means, but I think I have the tools to make the adjustments easier.
But for now, I’m very happy to be adjusting back to living at HOME. This one should come pretty easy to me. Bring on the home cooked meals and naps on the couch.
Do you remember feelings or facts?