I’ve thought about this blog (and my lack of posting) almost every day for the last three weeks. I even stockpiled a bunch of one-liners in hopes that one would lead to the in-depth self-expression I needed. It wasn’t that easy but it helped.
I want to just say “I’ve been busy!” and make everything better. That’s neither the full story nor the best way to approach this situation because, and I quote the annoyingly true cliché, “you make time for what’s important.” Whether I write three times a week or once a month, this space is still very important to me. That’s not changing. This blog just began in a different stage of life and now it’s shifting and adapting and rolling with the punches in my current stage—one I’m not super comfortable or confident in yet.
So, what’s up? Aside from having a job that’s 90% writing and wanting nothing to do with my computer at night, I’ve been both uninspired and self-critical. Given the current climate of our country, the suffering in the world and the saturation of content online, my words and viewpoint feel inadequate. We all have the ability to read and write AND start a blog, so the sheer fact that people have read my rambles over the past two years is both humbling and confusing. Why does anyone care what I have to say? There are much better, more experienced writers out there! Why do I care about [insert topic]? Is there substance to what I do? Am I just another number? (These are questions I ask myself. No need to answer).
Really, I spent a good portion of Sunday morning reading the (“failing”) New York Times, the local paper, some blogs and a magazine. HOW, WHAT, WHY would I want to share any more information? My lack of credentials, not to mention my status as a still-living-at-home-22-year-old rank high among my qualifiers, although both are lame ones.
It’s possible I’ve been indirectly influenced by the more pressing issues in the country. It’s possible that society is at a climax of information, device and drama overload and I’m just taking a hit. It’s possible that my seemingly endless running break has made for some confused, random thoughts. Answer: D. All of the above.
I also recognize how a need for instant gratification and approval can be compounded by social media and blogging. Perhaps my lack of posts are also because I don’t want what I share to come from a selfish place? But is that possible? Or is social media selfish in nature? I want it to come from a place of curiosity and creativity, and maybe it does to an extent. They may say I’m an over thinker. But I’m not the only one.
Sooooo…as inconclusive as this post is, it’s a pretty accurate depiction of my life right now. I’m trying to find the energy and inspiration to share again, along with the self-confidence that what I say matters—no qualifiers needed. Until then, I’m loving February in Florida and continually learning at work. My journey didn’t get a fairytale ending when I got this job (I never thought it would). It’s just continuing…highs and lows and all :)
However, for as infrequently as I’ve been reading and writing blogs I do miss the community. If there are any readers out there (you rock for making it through this post), I would love to hear what you’ve been up to! What did you do this weekend? What’s something you’ve been loving lately?
All the best until I check in next. Yes, that (stretch of a) rhyme was intentional.