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For most of my life I considered myself very “by the book.” A few examples…I’ve always been analytical, logical and objective. I followed rules to a T. I did what was expected of me in school and at home. For better or worse, I listened to my head instead my heart.
Today, I don’t know what to say about all of that stuff. For the most part it’s still true, but there’s a big part of me that has tapped into my intuition and mind-body connection.
Within the last six months I’ve lived in contrast to how I “thought” I should live. Less logically, than my normal. (Key word: my). From not going straight to a corporate job after college to, more recently, going through holistic gut healing (instead of the traditional approaches I thought I preferred), my life has not followed the path I envisioned a mere year ago. Not that these things are that significant to everyone, but in my little world they were. Yet in one of those cliché moments, I’m putting the pieces together and realizing that things have happened for a reason.
Side note: Like a lot of deeper posts, I debated whether to share this. Mainly, I don’t want this to be a “look at me and all I’ve learned” type of post. Trust me, I know I’ve got ways to go with life lessons and growth because, duh, I’m only 21.
This week I went to a follow-up appointment with my holistic doctor and it pretty much culminated a long five months of healing and emotions. She went over everything (medical tests, my overall health, thoughts, life, goals, etc.) and things just made sense. Last year, and probably from years prior, I had so much “bad energy” (toxins, yeast, parasites, hormones and stress) in my system that my body was at a breaking point. A breaking point on a literal sense: ulcer, stress fracture, digestive issues, and in a more metaphorical sense: an overflow of emotions and need for rest.
I had already explained my frustration to my doctor (she’s just awesome) about wanting to find a job I’m passionate about and feeling discouraged about my options of late. I know that sounds SUPER selfish and millennial-like but it’s how I feel. She brought up the point that maybe the last few months of healing have been crucial to my success overall. That maybe, just maybe, I needed this time to get the bad stuff out and prime my body and mind to accept the good energy. The good opportunities, the good adventures, the good food, etc. Now that I’m getting the gut in check, which I believe is the root of everything, the rest of me is ready for more.
I freaking cried in her office. That’s not normal for me.
I’ll admit, it is kind of hokey to write this out because, again, it’s so unlike the traditional approaches I was used to. Does all this emotional stuff really matter? Shouldn’t I just buck up and get through? I suppose, but I do know there isn’t one path to success or happiness. I’m learning to accept and appreciate these different methods. Obviously there is still much effort needed to get where I want in life, but you have to start somewhere. This was my somewhere.
I don’t have an ending to this post because I’m living it out right now. I don’t know what will happen next but I know that these last few months of healing have been necessary for me. Not to say I’m done healing or growing (just the opposite) but unless my core was strong nothing else would have mattered. I’ve learned that accepting help, even with these less invasive medical approaches that could theoretically be done alone, is not a sign of weakness AT ALL.
I’m sure I’ll go through flare-ups again (in life and health), heck I bet I’ll write about these struggles again, but hopefully I’ll never need this intense of a healing regime again. I do have one more “step” in this process, which I’ll write about in a few weeks, but for now, I feel confident that I’m making progress. That’s all that matters.
Here’s to good vibes and good food for life.