Deja vu is the craziest feeling. My basic understanding is it’s a flashback intertwined with a new experience, but you can’t always decipher the two. If it weren’t for obvious external factors, my emotions would have led me to believe that this weekend was the start of my freshman year of college. In reality, it was my sister’s.
Seeing a monumental event, such as starting college, from a different, more “experienced” point of view was a first for me. (I use “experienced” very loosely). Add in that I was simultaneously saying “goodbye” to my literal soul sister and seeing my parents send off their youngest child, and this weekend was a rollercoaster of emotions.
I’ve mentioned it before but my freshman year was a huge challenge. Going to school somewhat far from home, living in a diverse environment, and trying to find my way in a mix of people who were/are very different from me was more than I was ready to handle. Here’s the not so secret secret: it’s hard for most people. I think people don’t willingly admit that, for whatever reason. This time of change is overwhelming but it gets easier, trust me. Plus, believe it or not, you get better at handling it. If anything, I hope to relay that message to any freshman struggling. Just take each day as it comes. Easier said than done, I know.
Which brings me to now…the other side of freshman year (senior year). Not the smoothest transition, but stay with me. As uncertain as I am about my future after graduation I’m happy with where I am in life. I feel like it’s especially easy to fall into the comparison trap in your 20’s and 30’s because there’s a societal and often silent pressure to find a job, get married, have kids and be settled ASAP. At least, that’s the pressure I’m feeling. But life doesn’t work on a set timeline. That’s why I’m loving life now. Or, that’s what I’m deciding to do now. Not to say I don’t and won’t fall subject to comparison, but I don’t want to self-impose an itinerary. Things happen when they happen. Not when I find a job or look a certain way or have a boyfriend (side note: if you know any good guys, help me out) or have kids or accomplish xyz. Now. I have no intent to sound preachy, please tell me if it comes off that way :)
Part of me is writing this to literally remind myself to stop putting pressure on myself. The other part is writing this to hopefully reassure people my age that this train of thought is natural and common. Or I hope it is…in that case, reassure ME. It’s not necessarily bad but it can be toxic. This is definitely not the last time I will write something about this (and I apologize for the lack of fluidity) but this weekend emphasized my thoughts.
So here’s to taking each challenge in stride and loving our lives. And here’s to more wordy confessions and #realtalk. Feel free to join in.