When I was little I hated sleepovers. I was that girl who called her parents at midnight to come pick her up. I may or may not have made them drive an hour away to a different state to get me. While I don’t remember my exact feelings, I believe my late-night call home had more to do with feeling uncomfortable in a new situation/environment than it did with actually missing my parents. Don’t quote me on that.
Ironically, not much has changed today. Even though I am fully capable of living on my own, I still use my phone-a-parent lifeline in times of change and transition (along with a million other reasons). Thank goodness I have more than three lifelines or I’d be screwed. That uncomfortable and often indescribable feeling of nervousness, confusion and anxiety throws me for a loophole. I tense up and panic. Exhibit A: moving back to school this weekend.
I used to be embarrassed for admitting my struggles throughout college (mainly NOT fitting in with the stereotype) but I’m over it now. Truth be told, I have never been excited to go back to school after an extended break. I wrote about it last year as a junior and now I am a senior admitting it again. Does it mean I’m not happy here? No. Actually, I don’t know *exactly* what it means. What I DO know is that transitions are hard for me. Always have been.
Some people love the thrill of newness and change, others want comfort and routine. Take a wild guess which group I fall under…
Similar to adjusting to life in New York this summer (which was 100% brand new), I need some time to re-adjust to life at school. This is only like 20% new (classes/jobs) but life feels foreign after being gone for more than three months. I know everything will feel “normal” soon and I’ll probably forget about this state, however, I think it’s important to acknowledge that this state exists. Maybe it doesn’t exist for everyone but it does for me.
I tend to block out hard times in my life. I guess it makes sense that I’m running my 3rd marathon…apparently I need to be reminded AGAIN what miles 22-25 feel like. Yet because I know there will be MANY more times of transition and change in my future I’m starting to think that documenting my feelings now will be beneficial in the long run. Maybe? Wishful thinking?
If anything maybe my rambles can be some encouragement for anyone in the midst of a transition (of any size) that growing pains are normal. No matter the situation, it takes time for the chaos to settle and for things to fall into place. But they will fall into place. You CAN quote me on that.