Forewarning you, today is Thinking Out Loud and I’m doing just that.
Let’s cut to the chase…lately, my emotions have been all over the place. There have been tears, nerves, anticipation and more. I’m much better at expressing myself through writing than speaking, and lucky for me I have a blog to do just that. Hopefully lucky for you too…but that’s more subjective. I debated whether publishing this because I don’t think it’s the most cohesive post, but I think anyone my age will be able to relate.
So, emotions and feelings. I know that I’m female and that can sometimes be an excuse, however, I think this stage in life is more of a factor. The post-grad, early 20’s confusion. Crossing my fingers it’s just early 20’s but I’ve heard that extends…
I know you’re thinking “what could possibly be wrong, she’s in funemployment?” Sure, that’s all well and good, but it’s not forever. By that, I mean things are in the works for the future. It’s the (very) beginning of the job search and entrance into “real life” that’s causing this commotion of sorts. I’m not sad and I know very-well that these feelings aren’t abnormal, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Plus, I don’t think these things are vocalized as much as they are experienced, at least among people I know. I’ve read articles online but as a day-to-day discussion, it’s often buried. (<–I understand why, this is not small talk)
How I feel about life. (Source)
Because I graduated early I knew I had some leeway time and didn’t have to face life right away. I definitely did have those feelings last semester (hello, I had an ulcer) but I think it was a result of end-of-semester stress paired with a self-imposed pressure to hold up my reputation. Now shit’s getting real and the thoughts in my head range from “what the hell do I want to do?” and “why won’t someone hire me?” to “can I be a stay-at-home mom without any kids?”
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No one knows what they are doing. Even if they “know” logistically, the emotions might be dragging behind. ALL normal. It’s funny because when I was in high school I know I would look at someone in my place now and think they had MAJOR problems. “She’s out of college, living at home without a job? What’s wrong with her?” That’s laughable now because I feel so far from being an adult.
As I’m just in the beginning of the notorious 20-something years I have no doubt there are more challenges ahead. Likely, there will be more posts like this too. What’s important, to me, at least, is expressing emotions mindfully (hello, writing!), and knowing when to ask for and accept guidance. I realize that these problems/feelings/thoughts are not that bad or serious, especially in the large scale of things, but it’s what I’m going through now.
Whatever challenges or emotions you are facing, have comfort in knowing you aren’t alone. Seriously, this is me saying I’m with you. I’ll find my way, you’ll find your way. It’s not a yellow-brick road to happiness or success, more like one of those obstacle courses when you fall in mud and have to run 10 miles while jumping over tires.
Sounds fun, right? It’s an adventure, to put it nicely, but I know I’ll feel good on the other side.
No questions but I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks to Amanda for hosting Thinking Out Loud every week!
What you’re going through is not really that bad. The worst thing that happened to me was doing one thing for 8 years, then realizing that it’s not what I wanted. Then you are absolutely lost in life. That’s when shit gets real. :)
The best remedy is to understand that literally everyone goes through this and just observe yourself and see what you love doing. Once you find what doesn’t feel like a chore and you feel fulfilled every time you do it – figure out how to monetize that and you will be truly happy.
Mark Forge recently posted…Spring Into Shape Weight Loss Challenge: Day 3
Oh, girl, you know I got you here! I’m not going to lie, the uncertainty, the drive and the laze, they don’t really go away. Right now is particularly difficult for you because you are in your parents’ home (and yes, I know that you don’t intend to stay there), and there is something so comforting about the idea of staying there. Something so easy about the stasis. But on the other hand, you want to bust out and go big. The push and pull will never end, unfortunately. Ultimately, however, you will find that the balance tips one way or the other, by your choice or someone else;s.
Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…The Biggest DNS: Not Running the Boston Marathon
I can’t thank you enough for this. I know I will get better at handling these situations with time, but right now it’s so fresh and hard to find the balance.
You’re definitely not alone in your feelings, and emotions like these will pop up at different moments in your life. On the outside it seems like I have everything put together with my move to Maryland and upcoming job, but I really just hope that I’m not going to regret uprooting my life. Again. I think you hit the nail on the head, that none of us are alone in these feelings when we go through these big life changes. Wishing you lots of luck in your job search. Don’t settle for just “a job” if you don’t have to, find the one that’s right for you!
Sam @ See Sam Run recently posted…A Hodge Podge of Random (TOLT)
Thank you for sharing, Sam. I think everyone benefits when we open up about feelings…a little emotional release for us and comfort for others in our situation.
Life is an adventure and all you can do is just live it one day at the time and enjoy every moment…I am currently trying to work on this more. Instead of over analyzing and over thinking, we need to just live, follow our gut, love life, and just do it, whatever that may or not be! XOXO
ACKTIVE LIFE recently posted…Beef Tagine With Roasted Cauliflower
Just “doing it” is hard for me because I’m such an over-analyzer. But sometimes it needs to be done!
I always love these posts of yours because I completely relate. I was in your shoes two years ago but I also kind of am again now. You’re absolutely right that this isn’t a common topic of discussion which can make it hard. I remember before I graduated, I would see people I knew who moved home after college and life guarded. I couldn’t figure out how they didn’t get get a job right after college. Then I found myself in the same situation and I got it. It’s so much harder than you realize. You do everything right in school and you still can’t find a job, or know what exactly it is you’re looking for. So basically, all the feels with this post. You know you can vent to me anytime- I was in your place not too long ago :)
Sarah recently posted…Thinking Out Loud: Yoga Sculpt, Family, and Women’s Running Mag
That’s exactly it. You don’t realize what it feels like to be in the situation until you’re actually in it. Even two years ago it’s not what I imagined.
Ah these early twenties years. As fun as they are, they are a huge mix of emotions. It is so hard to scroll through Facebook and see person after person announcing that they got a job. It’s tough, but I know that something will come through for you. It is hard when you aren’t totally sure what you want to do, but I know that there is something out there for you. And like you said at the end, it’s an adventure, because that is exactly what it is. A crazy and emotional one at that!
Brie @ Lean, Clean, & Brie recently posted…The “Runner’s Body”
Definitely an emotional adventure! I know I’ll find my way…just practicing patience.
You’re absolutely right, you will find your way. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with living at home. I wish I stayed at home longer..hello lower rent and free food all the time. Yes please!
Gretchen | Gretchruns recently posted…Advice from a Real Estate Agent
The food might keep me here forever…
Thanks, Gretchen :)
I am 100% with you on all the challenges. I’m thankful that God is constantly working on us and sanctifying us. We don’t have to change and be all grown up in a day, and that’s a huge encouragement to me. Don’t worry Em! We’re in this journey together.
Emily recently posted…WIAW: Loving Life and Peanut Butter …
YES! It is not a one-day process. I am learning patience and relying on faith.
I’m so, so, so with you. I’m a bundle of emotions trying to walk around a be a person. I should only be focusing on school and summer, but I’m guilty of always looking at whatever comes next. Right now, next is too big and scary to think about, but I try anyway, and then my mind crashes. I really hope that one day (soon?) we talk about these things more openly, because it often really does look like everyone has their lives together and that’s not really the case. As always, thanks for sharing these thoughts and good luck starting the search.
Ellen @ My Uncommon Everyday recently posted…Healthier Portobello Eggs Benedict
Sometimes I want to just scream “I don’t have it all together” because I feel like I’m a bundle of emotions and am desperate to find people who feel the same way. I’m sure there’s a more tactful way to bring it about in daily life :) Thanks for your sweet words, Ellen.
I still have (at least) two more years of college, and I’m already freaking out about these issues, so I just want to wrap you up in a big hug. Out of many people I “know,” you’re going to make it. It’s okay to have this fluctuating time of uneasiness, because it’ll only make you more confident in the decisions you take moving forward.
Julia @ Lord Still Loves Me recently posted…When Life is Out of Your Control
You are the sweetest and this made me feel so comforted. Thanks, Julia :)
Thank you for sharing this because oh my goodness I can relate. I feel so much stress and pressure to try and figure out what I’m gonna do with my life. It’s a scary thought when you realize you are an adult and the world is your oyster.
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It’s scary but somewhat exciting. That quote “I want to do everything. I also want to do absolutely nothing” is exactly how I feel!
I love your posts like these! Also.. yes I would also love to be a stay at home mom without kids. Can that be a thing? But seriously, I feel you. I really wish I would have taken a longer break between school and working because looking back, that would have been the perfect opportunity for me to travel and relax for a bit before becoming a “grown up” (still not a grown up). Pretty much all of my friends moved home after college and all of them said it was a strange thing but so worth it. I think that looking back you’ll be glad you took this time to yourself!
Amanda @ ExploringLifeAndThings recently posted…A new (to me) approach to running
I am already so glad (and grateful) I took this time after graduation. It’s an interesting time but I think I did/am doing what’s right for me.
I love this! I’m 26 now and I can tell you that the post-graduation-what-am-i-doing-is-this-forever phase will wear off…but I can also tell you that there will be many more twenty-something phases of okay now what? :) You seem to realize that it’s completely normal and part of life’s journey and that’s the important thing!
Yup I have a feeling the “now what?” thoughts will be loud and proud in a few years. Thanks for sharing!
I know everyone faces this, I am sort of facing it now in an odd way so I think it’s good that it’s earlier for you! I did a lot in my early-mid 20’s as in got a grad degree, started a career, got married, had kids, quit career after second kid. Fast forward to 7 years after quitting and I can 100% relate to what you’re feeling! Although it’s different, I still know I need to do something and cannot just be a SAHM – not possible for our situation. Enter the blog/business, but, it’s overwhelming and uncertain. So, I think this is something we all revisit in various stages of life!
michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…A Kid’s Thoughts On the Boston Marathon, Out Loud
I have no doubt I will face these feelings again in the future, but hopefully I will be able to stress-less then. As in, have more perspective.
I went through this hardcore in my mid twenties, and if I could go back and say anything to my stressed out younger self, it would be to not stress as much because things have a way of falling into place. They seriously do. We like to think we have it all under control and that we have to have everything figured out, but life has a way of happening whether we obsess about it or not. Remember, it literally only takes one second for life to completely change. Opportunities come up out of nowhere, we meet new people, we get new ideas. At the end of the day, everything will be okay :)
Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…eyeballs, ominous hallways, and cookbook Q&A (ToL#178)
Thanks for this, Amanda. I really believe things will work themselves out. I just need more patience!
I graduated from college not too long ago and me and my friends are still figuring out what kinds of jobs/career paths we’re going to have. Honestly, take the job that’s going to open the most doors for you and you’ll just go from there! It doesn’t need to be your #1 passion, and you especially don’t have to find your #1 passion right now.
Dani @ Dani California Cooks recently posted…WIAW – A Day in Chicago
I think it’s comforting to know that my job right now won’t be my job forever. I can grow and change and move.
This is the most relatable post for me you’ve written in a long time. Being a college-educated adult is scary because, for the first time, you are in total control of your life and have the necessary skills to make a lot of things happen. This can be totally overwhelming because there is no path to follow, so I try to remind myself to feel empowered that I can make whatever choices work for me. Looking for a new job and moving to Cleveland wasn’t necessarily “fun,” but it was awesome to decide that’s what I wanted to do and just be able to DO it. Likewise, when that job wasn’t a good fit, I got a different one, because I COULD. It’s definitely still hard, but changing my mentality has helped a lot. Also just accept online job ads are a giant black hole that everyone despises – that is the worst part, haha!
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I’m glad you can relate :) I think you have the right mindset about making the best choice for you in your situation.
I experienced a lot of those same feelings and emotions in my last job and I think it was coming from a lack of perceived purpose. I would go weeks without seeing my boss and she really didn’t care what I was doing. My friends thought I was crazy for wanting my job to be harder so I could feel like I was actually doing something, but I think that’s just the way I’m wired! I’m not necessarily saying that you should not be soaking up funemployment, but maybe there’s something missing? It may not be a job or something really structured, but maybe you could think about things that have fulfilled you in the past and incorporate something like that! Anyways, thanks for sharing your heart with us!
Margaret @ youngandrungry recently posted…Race 13.1 Memphis Recap + My Most Embarrassing Moment
This is everything. I do miss the sense of fulfillment and hard work. I also think the internships I’ve had haven’t given me that fulfillment, so my experiences aren’t necessarily making this transition easier.
Big hugs to you, beautiful!
I totally understand where you’re coming from here as I was in the same place when I first left school! Adulting is overwhelming but so is anything completely new and unknown! Just remember that everyone goes through this!
Kristy @ Southern In Law recently posted…Recent Things: Doctor Google Wins, Random Husbands and New Faves
It’s comforting to know I’m not alone and that there were many (many) people to come before me :)
some advice i would give my younger self that might bring you comfort…
dont stress so much about your career or choice. dont put so much pressure on yourself to get it right the first time. a career is a really super long windy road with lots of detours and forks and people along the way. you can plan all you like but it wont happen exactly like that. you can change courses, actually you will change courses whether you like it or not. face it the job you went to college for will morph overtime, be replaced by a computer maybe, be at small companies/big companies, blah blah blah. you will try and fail, you will try and succeed, etc. you get what i mean. also…dont pressure yourself so much to LOVE your job. its still a job. personally, i do not love my job. i only like it on some days but i’m good at it. it uses my best skills. it challenges me, etc. im not a brain surgeon, what i do sorta really doesnt matter in the grand scheme of life and that’s OK ! really it is. my job provides $ to do what i love. and it doesnt have to be the job you have tomorrow ! so many opportunities will present themselves along the way. dont wear blinders. be open (even if you sorta suck at it). learn flexibility (i need to give that advice to my current self!!). surround yourself with good people and good outlets for work related stress. you are not defined by your job or career. your tastes will change overtime (i can relate anything to food!) you dont yet know what you are really good at or what you will excel at or if you want to manage people.
Thats the advice i would give to myself in your position. and seriously i’ve only been “out” of your position for a few years but have learned soooo much and have grown so much. i think for type a, anxietyish prone people life changes are just so much harder, especially those that you sorta think you can control. like obvi you get to pick the job you take, what you study in school etc. but in reality maybe try to think of it as go with your gut and see what opportunities present themselves. in the beginning let it come to you. then when you know what you want, go after that corner office girl ! sorry to be wordy but i really hope something might have helped.
Thank you for sharing you perspective, Tara! I think it’s helpful to hear from people a few years older than me who have already been through this stage.
I just turned 25 and I still don’t have everything figured out if it makes you feel better. When I graduated from college, I had a job lined up at a marketing agency but it was only part time and I did consulting to make up the money. It was a very stressful first month out of college and to make matters crazier, I was hired on full time within a month later and had my own set of clients. I was 22 trying to advise people in their 30’s-40’s on how to grow their business on social media — not an easy task. 3 years later and I’m still with the same company, much more confident in my skin, but still trying to find my place as an industry leader. Adulting is hard and not always that fun but there are tiny achievements that will start to put a smile on your face. I finally got renter’s insurance this year and I was so happy — a sign of true adulting haha. You’ll get through it, just be patient and keep blogging because it’s a great creative outlet to bring up these discussions!
Kellen McAvoy recently posted…Pineapple Cauliflower Fried Rice
Love what you said about tiny achievements…I can kind of picture them and feel like they will be a reassurance and confidence booster. Thanks for your supportive, words!
You got this girl! I have to say, almost 3 years out of college and I still have those feelings. I think our generation seeks this exact purpose with our life. We want everything to have meaning and with the influx of pictures on IG and Facebook about everyone’s lives, it can be hard to avoid the comparison trap. Stay true to you and remember we are all going through ups and downs. Not to mention, your first job may not be the lifelong career or even your favorite. I whole-heartedly agree with everyone here and that’s the beauty of this community – the ability to share and resonate with others :)
Kaitlin @ CA Endless Summer recently posted…Life of Late ~ 4.15.16
Thanks for this, Kaitlin! I’m so thankful I’ve found this supportive community. It helps to have people a few years old reassure you that things will work out!
I’m in my mid 20s and I feel like I still have those feelings! It’s hard to be in that waiting game and trying to decide what to do in the future. I know what I went to school for I don’t do at all! It’s crazy how things work out. I feel ya, though, that writing these thoughts helps to feel better. I hope you feel a bit more relaxed after getting these thoughts out! :)
“i want to do it all.
and i want to do absolutely nothing”
i COMPLETELY relate. i am so scared for graduation. and life in general, because i dont know how what i am doing now will translate to later
but hey, at least, you finished a semester early- and now you have time to gather your thoughts and decide what to do next!
The graduating early thing was a big help for me. It gave me a *little* more time to think things through. Although, it still isn’t easy!
Girl I ABSOULTEY hear ya. I honestly think I go through all the face emojis every.single.day. haha!! For real tho! And I def think it’s a life stage thing too… trying to figure it all out and what not… I know how ya feel. Thanks for this post sweetie!! I just love your posts!!
xoxo Cailee!
Cailee recently posted…Hello Healthy Banana Bread!
Yes. All the emojis/emotions every single day. I’m glad you can relate, even though this feeling kind of sucks. Sending good vibes your way!
So, I’m 31 and also totally lost ;)
I’ve spent the last 8 years building a family and solely focusing on that, and now that I know I’m done having babies and they are all well on their way to school, I find myself lost and confused and I feel like I’m sent right back to the point where you are now. It can be ugly, and emotional, but I keep telling myself that these are growing pains. When you “start over” it’s supposed to take a year to let it all out, research, read, experiment, and finally settle on a direction. I’m about 6 months into it, so I’m focusing on that ;) I hope you find your way soon, too! xo
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