Deja vu is the craziest feeling. My basic understanding is it’s a flashback intertwined with a new experience, but you can’t always decipher the two. If it weren’t for obvious external factors, my emotions would have led me to believe that this weekend was the start of my freshman year of college. In reality, it was my sister’s.
Seeing a monumental event, such as starting college, from a different, more “experienced” point of view was a first for me. (I use “experienced” very loosely). Add in that I was simultaneously saying “goodbye” to my literal soul sister and seeing my parents send off their youngest child, and this weekend was a rollercoaster of emotions.
I’ve mentioned it before but my freshman year was a huge challenge. Going to school somewhat far from home, living in a diverse environment, and trying to find my way in a mix of people who were/are very different from me was more than I was ready to handle. Here’s the not so secret secret: it’s hard for most people. I think people don’t willingly admit that, for whatever reason. This time of change is overwhelming but it gets easier, trust me. Plus, believe it or not, you get better at handling it. If anything, I hope to relay that message to any freshman struggling. Just take each day as it comes. Easier said than done, I know.
Which brings me to now…the other side of freshman year (senior year). Not the smoothest transition, but stay with me. As uncertain as I am about my future after graduation I’m happy with where I am in life. I feel like it’s especially easy to fall into the comparison trap in your 20’s and 30’s because there’s a societal and often silent pressure to find a job, get married, have kids and be settled ASAP. At least, that’s the pressure I’m feeling. But life doesn’t work on a set timeline. That’s why I’m loving life now. Or, that’s what I’m deciding to do now. Not to say I don’t and won’t fall subject to comparison, but I don’t want to self-impose an itinerary. Things happen when they happen. Not when I find a job or look a certain way or have a boyfriend (side note: if you know any good guys, help me out) or have kids or accomplish xyz. Now. I have no intent to sound preachy, please tell me if it comes off that way :)
Part of me is writing this to literally remind myself to stop putting pressure on myself. The other part is writing this to hopefully reassure people my age that this train of thought is natural and common. Or I hope it is…in that case, reassure ME. It’s not necessarily bad but it can be toxic. This is definitely not the last time I will write something about this (and I apologize for the lack of fluidity) but this weekend emphasized my thoughts.
So here’s to taking each challenge in stride and loving our lives. And here’s to more wordy confessions and #realtalk. Feel free to join in.
My freshman year of college was an overload of entirely new experiences. Living in a tiny dorm, having a random roommate, learning my way around an entirely new city, living on my own for the first time in my life. The funny thing is experiences like this don’t stop at college. You will see that the learning only accelerates. Congrats on your senior year :) you’re gonna kick butt!
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Thanks for this :) Glad to see you for a bit today!
Freshman year was a huge transition for me as well and a time when I realized that it was up to me to be happy, that I couldn’t rely on others to always make me happy. If I wanted to love where my life was, it was going to be up to me. I think going away to college is such a huge and overwhelming transition, but one that is really good to have, especially at our age. I have grown so much throughout college that I am happy to have had even those tough times during freshman year.
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Perfectly said. It’s not like I wanted to go through the hard times when they were happening, but I knew they were essential to growth.
I love everything about this more than I can say. Freshman year (last year!) was really challenging for me. I did a *really* good job with the whole “fake it till ya make it” thing, though, and didn’t admit I was having a tough time until nearly spring break. I felt like everybody else was just smoothly transitioning, so I didn’t want to admit that maybe I wasn’t. Things got much better, though, and I learned exactly what you said: it’s hard for most people. And now I’m hoping for a much better next few years :)
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I’m so glad you can relate to this :) I have a feeling we’d be good friends in real life. Fake it til ya make it is STILL my life motto and I’d like to think everyone is doing the same (just not admitting it).
the thing about societal pressure is that it can get you at any age. I’m nearly 32 and everyone is pressuring/questioning me about kids. Sometimes, you just have to close your eyes, take a deep breath and remember that you’re on the path that is right for you. You’ll make it where you’re meant to be :)
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I commented almost the exact same thing! Same age and same pressure for kids!
Kelly @ Laughter, Strength, and Food recently posted…Seasoned Grilled Corn on the Cob
Beautifully said and thank you for your kind words. You’re right, that pressure happens at any age and my path will be individual to me.
I remember bawling my eyes out the entire first week of college. I wasn’t all that excited to leave my family, and when the time finally came, I was a mess. We went to bank of america to get a new bank account opened for me and I burst into tears when the lady asked for my new address. Embarrassing. I think senior year was a big year of growth for me in college but I don’t think I truly loved my life until after graduation. All this to say– it just keeps getting better and better, which my mom promised would happen because she said her favorite years were the ones fresh out of school. Best of luck to your sister and you’re just a few months away from the “best years”!!
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I love this. You are living proof that life gets better after college AND that you don’t have to have a concrete plan right away :) Thanks, as always.
Transitioning into college freshman year was really tough for me as well–going to an out of state school where I didn’t know anyone! Crazily enough, I’m essentially having that experience again (but multiplied) because after I graduated I decided to move abroad to teach English! Navigating the post grad life in a foreign country has been crazy hard and scary, and makes the transition to college seem easy in comparison! I’m realizing that being a student has some serious perks, and now I understand why everyone said to enjoy college as much as possible while you can! Senior year was awesome…enjoy it!!
Wow, living abroad must be overwhelming in the most exciting ways. It must make freshman year seem like a breeze haha.
DEFINITELY needed this post today. I have my moments of “omg I’m almost 25 and I still don’t have this, that, or the next thing,” and today was one of those moments. You’re spot on, though — things happen when they happen, and just because they don’t happen for you on everyone else’s timeline doesn’t mean they won’t happen at some point, and doesn’t even really mean that they need to happen at all.
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I hate that people *think* things have to happen at a certain age/time. Nope. At least I’m not following those “rules.” We’ll figure things out as they come :)
I feel like I experience pressure every day because of my age…I’m 32 and I get asked, almost every day, if and when my husband and I are going to have kids. I’m not even sure I want to have them and, if I do, it won’t be for a couple of years. I know I’m in my 30’s but there is so much I want to do with my husband and I don’t know why people can’t just accept that! Ha! :)
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Uh I think that question is annoying (I know most people don’t intend to be rude though). Just like the “what are you doing after graduation?” I guess people just want to start a conversation but it’s overwhelming when it’s all you’re asked!
I wish more people WOULD talk about the realities and stop making college seem like such an awesome thing, giving too many expectations to freshman.
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Completely agree! I found so much comfort during my freshman year by reading posts by older bloggers about transitioning and adjusting to school. It made me realize I wasn’t alone.
I went through the same sort of thing my senior year of school. I ended up putting the enjoyment of life before the “what should I be doing” after graduation (aka I postponed, indefinitely, law school). I’m nowhere close to where I thought I’d be at 26, but I’m still absolutely loving life and what I’ve done in the past four years! Get it girl!
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Thanks, Liz. Love that you’re so happy despite not following a timeline. I’ve thought about grad school but I’m not even sure what I’d go for so that’s out of the question, ha.
Exactly! I wasn’t totally sold on law school, so my lawyer father convinced me to wait and work and travel and whatnot. And thank goodness for it! There’s so much to see, do, and experience out there!
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Enjoy life now. I’m in the mid-late twenties bracket right now and you always wish you could just have been more carefree earlier on. No one has adulthood figured out. Enjoy the ride! Especially while you don’t have a ton of responsibilities!
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I read something on Twitter that “being an adult is just googling everything.” I’d like to think that every time is “the best time of my life” but I know this is when I can be the most carefree.
So happy for you !
I think for me i am my own worst critic. the pressure i put on myself is way worse than any i feel from society. maybe other than looks. even though 99% of me knows that happiness is not achieved with a certain weight or size or hair length or whatever..that 1% can creep in from time to time. i am also bad about assuming things are always rosy. my BF always says when i find myself saying “well how does so and so have time for that or afford that or whatever” he will say…you are only seeing what they want you to see. like you are not looking at their stack of overdue credit cards or the fact that they are staying up till 2 AM doing that thing you think takes no effort. i guess guys are better at that than women. i keep working on it. I think my mom was great at telling me not to care what society thinks of me, etc. only care what i think of myself. obviously a great message but somehow that message coupled with a perfectionist attitude doesnt always serve me well. it is AWESOME that you will have this to look back at to remind yourself of this time. maybe i shoulda kept a journal…
I completely understand, especially about the 1% of the time feeling. Plus we always compare our lives to other people’s highlight reels and we don’t see the every day challenges.
It’s so true ! I really think it’s human nature that we are looking forward or backward to things … it’s so hard to stop and be in the here and now. A quote that I found lately said something about planning for the future, but not at the expense of the present moment. :)
Hope all is well with you, Emily! <3
I’ve missed you in the blog world :) That is my new favorite quote. Thank you!
I can completely empathise with this. I hated my first year at university for many reasons and although each subsequent one got a little better, I cannot say that I really enjoyed the whole college experience. Having just graduated, I’m now in a the position of having to make choices about what to do next but to be perfectly honest, at the moment I just don’t know…
I definitely feel the pressure to ‘have a plan’ but it is reassuring to know that not everyone has everything sussed out immediately and I wish more people adopted your #realtalk attitude.
Looking forward to your further posts on this topic- and for some potential inspiration ;) -there is something to be said for the saying ‘Do what you love, love what you do’ so I am paying much more attention to this in my search for the next step than I ever previously thought I would. xx
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Each year of college has gotten better for me, but I don’t enjoy the stereotypical things about the college experience. Girl, I’m right there with you about not knowing what to do. I’m all ears if you need someone to vent to :)
When I look back on college it was all a blur of me being an idiot in every way possible. I might say that again 15 years ahead about what I’m doing now, who knows! But at the end of the day even when we feel like we’re lost or wrong, we’re still growing and experiencing just as we “should” be. Societal pressure has always gotten me, one of my goals is to finally just get over it!
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This is so important and I wish my younger self had these realizations earlier. It’s so easy to wish our life away, always looking for the next thing and not just being content with the NOW. I always say this but you are wise beyond your years and have such a good head on your shoulders. Also, you never come across as preachy. You have learned these things and are sharing them with others to reassure that these struggles are normal – and that is not preachy, it’s helpful and inspiring! Love this and you <3
I was super involved with freshman orientation throughout college, and I always told people that even if the college they are going to is like down the block from their hometown, it can still feel like a study abroad experience! It certainly felt like a whole new (awesome) world for me.
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I think that going off to college really is hard for lots of people but of course we tough it out and don’t admit it ;) As I’ve talked back over first semester of freshman year with people, though, it sounds like a lot of us felt the same way!
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