I’m writing this on the eve of my trip to New York City and I’m a mixed bag of emotions. My house has been empty for the entire day so I’ve had a lot of time to think. While I’m honestly very excited to spend the summer in the city, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. As much as I wish I could easily do new things, change of any kind is hard for me. EVEN exciting change.
Some people thrive off hange but I tend to hide. I think (?) it’s more common than people tend to admit but because we only show our highlight reels, the homesickness, stress and tough times get left out. Understandable. It almost sounds ungrateful to be nervous about an incredibly opportunity such as studying abroad, traveling, starting college, moving, getting married, etc. Who knows, maybe I’m alone in this. If that’s the case, I refuse to be embarrassed for admitting my feelings, as silly or weird as they may be. Newsflash, feelings are weird and sometimes don’t make sense.
Luckily (I guess), I know this reaction is normal for me. But the difference this time compared to when I started college and moved (my biggest unknowns/changes), is that I’m not nervous about my ability to handle the unknown. I know I can handle what comes my way, even if I don’t know what exactly it will be.
Instead of fearing the unknown I want to see it as a chance for opportunity and growth. Yeah, yeah, that’s a nice sentiment but it doesn’t mean anything unless I put it into action. Walk the walk. I’m a very realistic person so I know it’s naive to think I’ll never fear the unknown again, but that’s not my longterm goal. My longterm goal is to be less resistant to change. To not wander down a rabbit hole of worries and fears. To catch myself before my thoughts turn negative. To (somehow) feed off the butterflies in my stomach and use them to my advantage, because I don’t think those are going away soon.
I’m expecting to feel homesick at times (I got spoiled seeing my family every day for 3 weeks) and I don’t doubt that I’ll have a mini-meltdown or two, but regardless of those feelings I know I made the right choice. And if I question that, I’ll just take a walk in Central Park and I have a feeling that will set me straight.
Kind of a heavy post for a Monday, sorry.
no questions.
just love.
and so much understanding.
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Thank you so much <3
Good luck in New York, Emily! I wish I’d be able to see you while I’m here too! I know you’ll survive and thrive here :)
Liv @ Healthy Liv recently posted…The Natural Deodorant Experiment
Thanks, Liv! Hope you’re enjoying your trip!
Change definitely is scary, but there’s SO much to do in NYC and I know you’ll have a blast! It’s good to recognize your feelings and emotions instead of trying to cover it up. That way you can address it and get better instead of crashing and burning a month down the road. Thank goodness for all the technology we have now, so you can call or skype or facetime with your family when you miss them!! (or take an impromptu trip home!) Hope you feel better soon!
I’ll actually be in the city later this month, so I’ll be checking your blog religiously for suggestions on things to do while I’m visiting!
Seriously FaceTime is a life saver. I FaceTimed last night and it instantly made me feel better.
I plan on writing a post with my favorite restaurants next week (and updating over the summer!).
I LOVE your attitude about going into a new city for the summer. It is always good going into it that you know that at times it won’t be easy, but being open to change is going to make the whole process a whole lot better for you. Wishing you all the best with your move! <3
Brie @ Lean, Clean, & Brie recently posted…A Second Blogiversary!
Before I started college I had this crazy idea that things were going to be magically perfect…LOL. I know to be more realistic and take things as they come.
Hi Emily! What are you going to be doing for work? That’s so exciting !
Hi Claire! I’m working in communications and marketing. That’s what I’m studying in school!
Good luck! Working on being less scared & anxious is a work in progress for me. The more I see the good I get out of pushing myself, the easier it becomes!
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Thanks, Lauren! You’re so right- seeing the “payoff” of leaving my comfort zone makes me more willing to do it again.
Kudos to you, Emily. I did an internship in Pensacola for 3 months my senior year. While I was still in the same state as my family, they couldn’t afford taking time off to drive six hours to see me and flight prices were ridiculous believe it or not, so for the first time in my life (was always 1.5 hour drive from my family in college) I didn’t see anyone for 3 months. It was tough, but it was a learning and growing experience for me. I know you’re going to do great things :) AND EAT AWESOME FOOD!
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THE FOOD. YOU WOULD DIE.
Luckily we have a lot of family up in this area so my parents are coming up later this month to visit and attend a family party. I think they’ll see me more this summer than when I’m in Miami for the semester haha.
Best of luck on your new adventure in New York!
I am glad I came across this post because I don’t just have nerves in some situations, I have full blown anxiety when it comes to change and unknown situations. As much as I try to talk myself up and make the situation seem so “normal,” my stomach still does its cartwheels no matter how hard my brain says stop.
Anyone else get that kind of feeling? …just me? Oh, okay. ;)
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Hi Calee. No, you are NOT alone. I had a similar reaction when I started college three years ago. I basically “shut down” and became very resistant to my new life. I honestly don’t know what helped other than time, taking things day by day and talks with friends and family. Luckily I haven’t had that experience this go-around but I still remember those feelings from freshman year.
Love what you said about not fearing the unknown but just being less resistant to it. You, my friend, are a wise one. I can’t wait to read about your time in NYC!! <3
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Right back at ya, kid ;) Thank you!
Change is scary but it is also so exciting! I think you have a truly amazing outlook and you will have so many incredible experiences to come! I can’t wait to hear all about your exciting adventures : ) Have a great Monday!
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Thanks, Jamie! Your comments always make my day :) Hope your week is going well!
Of course it’s going to be scary! But I know too that you are going to have such an amazing and enriching time!!!
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So far I’m really enjoying it! I still get waves of anxiousness but for the most part, it’s really fun to explore.
Good luck, Emily! You’re going to be awesome!! :) It’s so great to get out of your comfort zone .. you’ll grow as a person because of it! =)
Emily @ Sweets and Beets recently posted…See It to Believe It: Best Deals Ever
Thanks, Em! That’s the goal ;)
Ahh I totally get how you’re feeling, girl. I have a TON of change happening in my life right now too and I don’t think I’m handling it as well as I could. It’s totally normally to feel that way- you’re making a huge move that will eventually pay off, but it’s still scary! You’re going to LOVE NYC, there are so many people there for you to hang out with, and you’re only a short trip away from family and friends. Email me (or, you know, visit…) anytime!
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Most of my friends won’t be in the city until late next week and I can’t wait for that! I think the payoff of this summer will be more than worth the nerves now. HOPE TO SEEE YOUUU
oooooohhhhh how i feel you ! fearing change is so normal and heck who cares if its “normal” or not….if its normal for you then its normal ! i have lots of experience with this one. and i can assure you it gets better with time. personally i will never be super ok with change or super welcoming as its just not me. i like to be prepared, i like to know what coming, even if i know exactly what’s coming i still enjoy the journey. im a no surprises girl. BUT as you say my goal was to just get a little less uncomfortable with change. to feel the uncomfort, acknowledge that i dont like it but to be cautiously optimistic that something good could happen from this change. from my experience you cant make a goal to never be nervous about change or to just super love it if you are starting from a natural place of that not being the real you. I think being cautious isn’t a bad thing….nerves and fear of some change has probably actually helped you at times and you don’t even know it. i was a WRECK when i started college, and when i moved out, and when i started my first job, but i gotta tell you its gotten better. I’ve learned to “just breathe” and to know i can’t control it all. And to try to find the good parts and not go to the doom and gloom. Oddly, for me…deciding what i thought was the worst thing that could happen and having a “plan” to deal with that always worked for me. it was like…if i had a plan for the worst then i was good. not sure how that keeps me away from the doom and gloom but it does. like for me…if i went to nyc i might decide the worst thing was i would have a hard time making friends or get super lost in the wrong part of town. I would then think…well if i dont make any friends at work, i will join a gym and try to meet people and X and Y and Z. Or, i will make sure my cell is always charged before i go out at night, i will carry a subway map with me at all times, or i will only take a taxi after midnight or X, Y or Z. Then suddenly its like i would feel better cuz if i can deal with the worst…i can deal with anything. i hope that makes sense. i can tell you from experience that challenging yourself like this will help you SO much. i truly can relate to this and i am sending you relaxed, comforting vibes from ohio all the way to NYC !!!!!
I had a really rough transition to college and I’m happy that this transition is nothing of that sorts. I think every stage of life (whether “big” or not) requires some adjustment time. Breathing and focusing on the positive has helped me relax a lot. Thanks for your support!
It is 1000% normal to be nervous about a big change.
Fun story: the day I got on the plane to go spend a semester in London I went to Whole Foods for the first time and actually started crying because there were too many granola options. Obviously it was really because I wasn’t sure how to handle so many unknowns all at once (not just the plethora of granola).
SO yeah. You’re not alone at all. Plus city livin’ while amazing, can be surprisingly lonely and you always feel like you’re missing something (or at least that’s how I felt). It takes me a while to get into the rhythm of a city.
Buuuut New York is fabulous… and scary… and inspiring… and overwhelming in the best ways <3
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1) I love that you went to Whole Foods first, because that is the first place I would go
2) I was totally overwhelmed with the options in my Whole Foods that I ended up leaving and going somewhere else (obviously overreacted to the newness).
“Plus city livin’ while amazing, can be surprisingly lonely and you always feel like you’re missing something (or at least that’s how I felt)” <-- You are my mind twin.
I would be worried if you were NOT scared about this new phase of life. With that said I know you will succeed and truly thrive this summer. Make the most of your time there, and I will look forward to reading about it all!
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I’m always hesitant to believe people when they say they are happy about and ready for changes in life. We all get nervous sometimes. Day 4 and I’m already feeling a little better.
new things and change are so scary but i know you’re going to have an amazing summer! can’t wait to hear about it!
xo
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Thanks, Julianna! I’m hopeful for lots of exciting adventures.
You ROCK and do not apologize for writing a heavy post! Like you, I don’t do well with change, but this is a great change and a opportunity and you are going to have so much fun. I cannot wait to hear about all your crazy adventures…It’s going to be great. XOXO
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You’re so sweet <3 Thank you!
Just wanted to let you know that feeling nervous and homesick is normal. very normal. I’ve travelled and moved around the world several times since I was a kid, and I still experience this when I have to move (yet again) as an adult. Embrace your crappy days – it’s all part of the experience! All the best – you’ve got great attitude!
Thanks for your comment, Trudy. I moved a few times growing up and it doesn’t get easier. At least now I know to expect and accept my feelings. I agree, even the crappy days are part of the experience!
I totally get what you’re saying and I’ve always felt the same way though never liked to admit it, even to myself! I’m an anxious type and leaving my comfort zone is tough, yet every time I have amazing things have resulted :)
Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…I Wish It Was In My Head – Dealing With Food Intolerances – Part I
You’re right- every time results in amazing things but that oddly doesn’t make it easier. I guess I know to accept my nerves know and that they will eventually go away once I’m settled.