There’s a reason flight attendants say to put your own mask on first: we are at our best when we prioritize self care. We can’t help others when we are gasping for air. Obvious, right? “Oxygen masks” can be different for everyone at different stages of life. They can be literal, life-saving efforts or smaller actions that make everyday more enjoyable. For a busy mom it could mean taking time to workout or socialize with adults. For students it can mean mid-day naps. For a 9-5’er it might be eating lunch outside. You get the point. Self care isn’t selfish.
Lately, I’ve been all over the place, in the blog world and life. A combination of factors (some I’ve shared, some I haven’t) have made this semester a rough one. My stress fracture has oddly been the least of my worries. It’s pretty normal to go through these funky phases in life, or so I’m told. However, I like to keep it real.
This past year has been a turning point for me in respecting and prioritizing self-care. I no longer feel the need to justify what some may consider “guilty pleasures,” like naps, expensive food, laying by the pool and pampering. Those types of things have become second-nature to me, for better or worse. Lately, I’m all about mastering the basics: sleep, nourishment, emotional and physical health. It sounds like I’m now an ultra zen yogi living a vegan, all-organic, Buddha lifestyle. It’s not like that (not that that’s a bad thing). You don’t have to be hippiyish to believe in traditional principles.
As I’ve been focusing on those fundamental aspects, other things have fallen off the wagon. From silly things like cleaning my room and staying on-top of laundry to “bigger” things like going the extra mile in school, something I’ve admittedly done for the last 15+ years. Even this blog. It’s part of the reason I want to pull back to three posts a week, so I don’t bombard you with too much craziness. I love this little space and genuinely enjoy writing but when I’m not feeling my best, I don’t think the content I produce is so great or relatable. I guess I could try “faking it” and putting on a happy face 24/7, but I’m not convinced that’s always the way to go.
I know this post is vague to-the-max right now, and I apologize.
Like most things, “this too shall pass,” but until then, I’m focusing on the basics and leaning on my family and faith to get me through. I’m not a special snowflake and I know that people go through though(er) times. I also know that people get through and come out stronger.
In typical Thinking Out Loud fashion, I’m not sure how to end this post. I’m learning that being “on” isn’t a sign of strength and rest isn’t a sign of weakness. Quite the opposite actually. If you need a break, take a break, whatever that entails.
I’m a strong believer in ebbs and flows and there are times that we just find ourselves stepping back to figure out what’s is important at that moment in time. Georgie had a couple great posts about this, not forcing yourself to do it all, but I’ve always found it comes with practice. And I’m still learning ;)
Kaitlin recently posted…Living that Running Life ~ NYC Marathon 2015
It definitely comes with practice. Every time a new “struggle” comes along, I *think* I’ll handle it better (and to an extent, I do), but it’s never easy.
I just heard this oxygen mask metaphor the other day. Self care isn’t selfish. And like actual self care, not like ooh look at me I took a rest day or had a square of chocolate. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you can’t do anything effectively!
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Yes, ACTUAL self care. I should have distinguished that.
It wasn’t until after my freshman year of college that I realized how important self care was, and how un-selfish it really is. I spent my freshman year going above and beyond in everything I was doing that I was just pushing myself too hard without giving myself “me time.” Once I incorporated what I called “mental health nights” where I wouldn’t stress myself out with getting my homework done all night, and would instead relax, it made me feel so much better day after day because I was finally putting myself where I needed to be.
Brie @ Lean, Clean, & Brie recently posted…Why I embrace running in the rain
Those types of relaxing nights have been incredibly helpful for me this semester. Good for you for recognizing it so early on!
I’ve learned the same thing in grad school. I totally agree that if you don’t take care of yourself it’s hard to do your best in other aspects of life. I’m a total proponent of “mental health days” not only to give myself time to relax and catch up, but also to reflect on how to take better care of myself.
Sam @ See Sam Run recently posted…That Almost-Professional Life (TOLT)
I am ALL about those types of days too. Just to stay home and “re-group.”
Self care might be my biggest struggle of all. What I’ve learned in the past 8 years (since being married with kids) is that if you don’t deal with it it will eat away with you in the form of resentment, and you risk becoming bitter, jaded, and not much of a caring person to anyone. I also relate to ebbs and flows and hard times. Life gets HARD! I’m still floored when I find myself in those spots, but then they pass, sometimes magically. Hang in there, Emily, you’re completely on the “right” track :)
Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…What I Just Cannot Resist – Thinking Out Loud
Thanks, Michele- that means a lot! I guess having a blog can remind me (in a very public, maybe superficial way) that these hard times do pass.
I love how you used the oxygen mask as a metaphor for life. You are just so clever Emily! I think it’s really easy for people to think of others and put their needs ahead of your own- but sometimes we can’t help our best or be our best self unless we put our needs first!
Exactly! Even “silly” things like taking a nap or sitting down for a meal instead of eating on-the-go can make a difference.
I couldn’t imagine blogging while I was in college so I commend you for it and absolutely support your need to blog only 3 days a week! I’ve been listening to a billion podcasts this week and blogging burnout is a real issue when you have so many things vying for your attention! I’m no longer in school and I still usually only post content 3 times a week. You are wise beyond your years and that is going to take you so far!
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I feel like blogging in college isn’t too demanding, because we DO have a lot of free time (at least I do). I admire people who work 9-5+ and blog consistently!!!
I always admire individuals who can be this open with the online world. Like you said, everyone does go through times in their lives when things may not be the easiest. As long as you stay relaxed and positive you’ll come out on top. I truly do believe that prayer will get you through anything!
I don’t talk about faith a lot on the blog, but it’s a daily part of my life and gets me through a lot :)
Sending you tonnes of positive vibes, lady, and hope that this funk passes you by soon <3 I know that my self-care tends to suffer whenever I'm going through a hard time, and it isn't until I actually put some effort into looking after myself that I realize how much better it makes me feel. Self-care definitely isn't selfish — we can't live up to our full potential and do much for others if we aren't feeling good ourselves. Big hugs <3
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Thanks so much, Amanda :) You’re right, with self-care I’m a much more capable (and happier) person.
Self care is not selfish at all; I would even think that burning the candle at both ends until one is toast or having a martyrdom complex is much more selfish than caring for oneself so one can be a functional and giving person. Also, I couldn’t imagine blogging while in college!
Laura @ This Runner’s Recipes recently posted…Liebster Award and Survey
I wanted to say something like that but couldn’t find the right words. So thank you for that!!!
I never understood the self care fully until I became a mom and let it slip completely. When I started finding even a half hour to myself each night after everyone went to bed I was feeling so much better! Always take care of yourself, it makes it 10 times easier to help care for others too!
Kristin recently posted…Instalately October In an Instagram
I’m definitely a much better/happier friend, daughter, sister and classmate when I take care of myself.
I was never very good at t his, but like you, I realized it my senior year of college. I started doing things for me (like quitting cross country/collegiate sports and working at a running store) but I also became okay with not acing everything in school. It’s really important to put ourselves first- I haven’t been doing a great at that lately and it does affect other people as well, whether we realize it or not. I love that you’re putting yourself first and this analogy to flights is perfect!
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I feel lucky that this year self care “hit” me, for better or worse. Letting go of perfection in school has been a HUGE thing for me, and it’s made me a happier person.
I am a huge advocate of this. I sometimes call it beneficial strategic selfishness. Also called self care. But you have to take care of you–not in a malicious way, but in a way that can be productive for all. Because if you don’t take care/support/believe in yourself first, who will?
Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Lemons to Applesauce: Staying Positive When The Going Gets Tough
Totally stealing that name. Taking care of myself now will (indirectly) benefit everyone in the long run.
Wow, I can totally relate to this right now. I’m also injured and at the same time doing the “gluten challenge” because I’m getting tested for Celiac next week (though I doubt I have it). It has been awful having to eat things that I know are making me feel sick and horrible. I’ve had to really tell myself that it is OK that I can’t do it all right now. My body is trying to heal while being bombarded with food that it obviously cannot tolerate so I have been having to give myself a break with all of the pressure I usually put on myself. Sorry, that was off topic but thank you for posting this because it was much needed!!
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I wish there was an easier way to get tested for celiac! Although I have it, I can’t imagine having to get tested again after eliminating it for so long. Positive or not, it must feel so counterintuitive to be eating something you know is hurting you. This definitely seems like a time for other things to take a backseat. I hope next week flies by for you!
i hope you feel better soon and you are right….self care is not selfish. i really really struggle with this. i was decent about it when i lived alone. there was no one to judge me. and when i lived at home my mom would encourage me to rest/relax so it almost came to be that until someone told me to slow down and gave me “permission” that i was able to stop. my boyfriend totally sucks at that. i tell him he could watch me run myself into the ground and not seem to care. he says i feel like when you want to stop you will. when you want to rest you will. its actually one of our biggest fights. what i have begun to realize is he will never tell me to take care of myself and that regardless i have to just do this for myself. i dont need permission. its just such a hard habit to break. i have to remind myself there is no prize for “busiest”
You’re right, you don’t need permission. I hope you can prioritize yourself this weekend :)
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.
Things might not be quite where you want them to be at the moment but that does not mean to say you’ll feel this way forever. You are an incredible person with wonderful talents and it often takes a bit of a rough time to get a new perspective- this is something my uni years definitely left me with- and prioitising self care is nothing to feel guilty about.
In terms of the blog, faking is not your style and please don’t feel pressured to post to a schedule, or even to post ‘false happiness’ if you are not feeling it. Whatever you are comfortable sharing with regards to how you are right now, always remember that you will receive nothing but support and love from the blogging community.
xx
Thanks, as always, Charlotte <3 I'm confident that better times are ahead. Have a great weekend!
I love the “self care isn’t selfish” quote. I think, intellectually, I know all of these things, but I can be really terrible at prioritizing self-care because I’m constantly on the go and don’t like to put time for myself above time with other people. I really, really appreciate this post as a reminder of how important it is. Thanks so much, Emily!
Liv @ Healthy Liv recently posted…Healthy Whole Wheat Pumpkin Spice Bread
I bet especially with your job (where you’re always looking after others) it can be tough to take time away. I hope you can have downtime this weekend :)
A book I think you’d love that reminds me of this: Essentialism by Greg Mckeown
I can only imagine how much you must have on not only your plate but your mind right now with finishing up school. It’s definitely not an easy time, but you’re so grounded that even through this tough stuff I have full confidence you’ll come out on top. <3
Georgie recently posted…#LadyBoss Interview: Meet Lindsey Creator of Pelistones
How’d you know I’m in need of a new book? Thanks for always being there for me.
You’re so right. Self-care is essential. I’m having trouble with guilt as a new mom making time for “me” (the gym…currently just one night a week). But if I don’t care for myself, then I’m pretty worthless to those who depend on me! Thanks for sharing. :)
Catherine @ foodiecology recently posted…Thinking Out Loud 11.05.15
As I’m not a mom I can’t give advice, but I can only imagine life is hectic with a newborn. I hope things calm down and you are able to get some time to yourself :)
I’ve found that prioritizing self care is one of the hardest parts of growing up! When you’re younger your parents are always reminding you to get enough sleep, eat the right foods etc. As an adult, it can really be challenging to take care of yourself in the way you know you should. I think it’s even harder as a young person with a health condition like celiac, because your healthy peers don’t have to think about a lot of stuff you’re always dealing with in the background. I definitely had times in the past where I waited too long to take care of myself and then paid the price. Good for you for taking the time now to really prioritize what you need…it might not be easy but it’s a sure deal in a happier & healthier future.
Anna recently posted…Guest Posting: Tips for Eating Gluten-Free!
Thanks, Anna! Good point- I definitely think getting diagnosed with celiac at a young age set me on a “path” for self care.
I feel the same way about self care! Lately I’ve been stressed about my running injury so I’ve been taking lots of baths and reading fun books to take my mind off of it. Self care is so important and so many people feel guilty about it but they shouldn’t. I hope whatever you’re dealing with passes soon, but remember that you got this!
Kristen recently posted…Why I’m Not Running This Week (And Maybe Next Week Too)
So sorry to hear you are injured too :( Thanks for your support!
I respect you for sharing your thoughts in this post! I think that life is constantly changing and different for each of us, and the way a person gets through the experiences is how he/she learns. Being flexible and adaptable to life is what its all about. Focusing on what works for you is paramount. I wrote about something similar in today’s post as well. Have a great weekend! :)
Sarah @ BucketListTummy recently posted…What Running Has Taught Me
Looking forward to checking out your thoughts on this topic! It’s really important for me that I’ve learned to “stop, drop” and take care of myself.
Oh man I wholeheartedly agree and I too have gotten really good at practicing more self care and not feeling guilty over doing “frivolous” things if they make me feel good. I wish I had adopted that mindset in college, or earlier for that matter. I hate that our society often praises “the grind” and just pushing through doing everything and anything. It’s overrated.
Hayley @ Full of Life recently posted…An Obsessed Society
It’s SO overrated. Being busy 24/7 is not cool yet so many people brag about it. Do what makes you feel good!
Gah Emily I LOVE this. I hate hate hate when people see putting your personal health and wellness first as selfish. Especially for women with families. Not that I am a mother or understand 100% what that is like, but coming from a big family, and just making my own observations, women are still expected to do so much. Yet when they need a break for a the gym, or even a pedicure for goodness sake, it is as though society has made it so women have to justify the break. I’ll stop my mini rant there, but I just loved reading this :)
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No I love mini rants :) I hate the societal need to justify our actions 24/7. “Treating” yourself is necessary, not a treat.
YES YES YES. Self care is SO important. If you’re not taking care of your own mental/physical health and wellness you can never expect to be able to help others in the way that you’d like! Such a great reminder, Em! Thank you for sharing and I am proud of you for prioritizing YOU.
Thanks so much, Kaila! :)
Hey Emily! I feel like this is so relevant in my life right now. I just got back from a conference for work that really focused on doing the simple things for yourself that will lead to success. I think it’s sooo important to focus on yourself in order to be successful in everything- work, school, relationships, exercise, etc. Something I really want to start working on is starting my day with writing daily gratitudes before I even open my email or start a new task for work. Great post, I love it!
Amanda @ ExploringLifeAndThings recently posted…Running survey, yay!
Yes- those simples things can make a huge difference I think! Writing daily gratitudes is a good idea.
I am feeling the exact same way right now. I have been go go go for a while now and I shared a post on Friday about this same thing haha, especially with the blog I’ve been feeling uninspired because I haven’t stepped away from it at all. I love this and totally think we all need to be care about ourselves and our minds as much if not more than our work or responsibilities sometimes! xo
Christina recently posted…Why Treating Yourself (Guilt-Free) is Important
Ha I just read your post. I guess we were on the same wavelength! I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to be in my body/mind for the rest of my life…work will come and go. Better take care of what’s forever.
I love this post! I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Sometimes it is beyond necessary to prioritise yourself and your needs, to ensure you are at your best! Self-care is one of the most underrated practices out there, so good for you for being honest, and reinforcing that it’s okay to not always be “on”, and rest really is never a sign of weakness.
amy @ Health happiness and balance recently posted…Currently: November
Thanks, Amy! I agree it’s really underrated, especially in a world of go-go-go.
LOVE this. <3 It's okay to take care of the body that God gave us and rest in Him. <3
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